Fit For Football Funnies
Here are lots of Fit For Football Funnies.
If you have any football jokes that make you laugh then email them to us : rob.atkin@northlincs.gov.uk
If they make us laugh and we publish them on this website then we'll send you a prize.
Why do goalies always have lots of money? Because they are very good at saving!
Which football team is the coolest? The one with the most fans of-course! That joke just blows me away!!! ha ha ha
Why can't cars play football? Because they've only got one boot!
What do you call a girl who likes to hang around between football goal posts? Annette!
Why are Vampires not very good as Goal Keepers? Because they are scared of Crosses...ha ha haDid you hear the one about the football teams rubbish striker, He didn't score 1 goal in 500 games, the team nicknamed him JIGSAW... Because he kept going to pieces in the box...lol :-)
Why did the football manager flood the pitch? Because he wanted to bring on a sub!.
Why did the groundsman cover the grass with tar? Because the manager told him to lay the PITCH out for the next game!
Why was Cinderella rubbish at football? Because she ran away from the ball.
When Chickens play football whats their favourite position? On the WING!
Did you hear what happened to the Chicken Footballer who fowl..ed another player. The Referee book, book, booked him.
What colour is a hiccup? Burple!
Why is a tomato round and red? Because if it was long and green it would be a cucumber!
How do you make an apple puff? Chase it round the kitchen!
What did one tomato say to the other? You go on ahead and I’ll ketchup!
What’s worse than finding a slug in your apple? Finding half a slug in your apple!
What did Baby corn say to Mommy corn? Where's Popcorn?
Why don't polar bears eat penguins? Because they can't get the wrappers off..... (Of-course Fit For Football doesn't condone eating too many sweets or real penguins.)
A boy who had mashed potato, roast beef and yorkshire pudding in his hair, gravy, carrots and sprouts on his face and treacle sponge pudding and custard on the back of his neck went to see his Doctor. His Doctor said "I can see what the problem is, Your not eating properly!"
A girl went to her doctors and complained that she had experienced some trouble hearing recently. The doctor looked in her ears and found that one ear was full of jelly and cream and in the other ear there was custard and fruit. The doctor said. "It appears your a Trifle deaf"
Why did the school boy eat his homework? Because he thought it was a piece of cake....yummy
Why did the banana go out with the prune? Because he couldn't find a date.
What do you get from nervous cows? Milk Shakes!
Why are cooks cruel? Because they beat eggs, whip cream and batter fish....ouch!
What do you call a bad tempered pudding? Apple Grumble!
What car is like a sausage? An old banger!
Get your Friends to say Toast 5 times...
toast, toast, toast, toast, toast.
Now ask them "What do you put in a toaster?"
they will probably say toast, ha ha ha.....the answer should be BREAD!
How do you mend a broken cabbage? With a cabbage patch!
Get your Friends to say Milk 5 Times...
milk, milk, milk, milk, milk.
Now ask them "What do Cows drink?"
they will probably say milk, ha ha ha..... the answer should be WATER!
What is more useful when its broken? an EGG!..... you've got to be yoking.
Why did the Orange visit the doctor? Because he wasn't Peeling very well. Oh dear!
Why did the Tomato blush? Because he saw the Salad dressing!....tee hee
What do you call a train carrying lots of fruit? A tootyfruity!....peep.peep. ha ha ha.
What do you call a chicken in a shell suit? An EGG!.....ha ha ha. I'm cracking up.
Question. Can you name 3 fish that begin the letter K?
Answer. 1 = Kipper, 2 = Killer Shark, 3 = Kilmarnock!!!!..... Kilmarnock? .....thats not a fish I hear you say.....well it is a Scottish Plaice!....... ha ha ha.
"SPECIAL EDITION CHRISTMAS JOKE! Ho Ho Ho.
What did one snowman say to the other? Can you smell carrots?
